


the way he looks at me

by angelcult



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Albino Hasegawa Langa, Dacryphilia, Dark Hasegawa Langa, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Character, Morally Ambiguous Hasegawa Langa, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Not Actually Unrequited Love, i don’t know which tag fits best tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:13:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29955267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcult/pseuds/angelcult
Summary: Sometimes Langa’s eyes are home to a festering darkness, but Reki was always there to pull him back.Reki didn’t mind it, really, until he realised that he was only delaying the inevitable.
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 12
Kudos: 152





	the way he looks at me

Reki doesn’t like that look in Langa’s pale, pale eyes. He’s caught flashes of it, glimpses, every now and again but he’s never just  _ stared  _ at him before. His eyes would go as cold as the ice they mimicked, and they’d look hollow and empty of everything that made Langa, well,  _ Langa. _

He was doing it now, while they were both tangled together on Reki’s bed, toy skateboards abandoned, headphone cord tangled between their bodies. If Reki was honest, he didn’t think Langa even knew when he suddenly wasn’t himself, he would just stare and think quietly.

_ He’s probably thinking about his dad,  _ Reki found himself thinking once,  _ he  _ did  _ see him die, after all. That probably really messed him up..  _

“Langa?” Reki asked, softly prodding with his voice because he didn’t know how Langa would react to suddenly being touched. He watched in relief as Langa blinked rapidly, the hollowed darkness in his eyes melting away into that familiar warmth. 

“Yeah? I zoned out again, didn’t I?” He asked, voice sounding odd. 

_ Fuck, I made him upset.  _

Reki bit his lip and sat up, smiling at him to attempt to ease his nerves. Langa had expressed how much he hated zoning out, or the few times Reki had caught him disassociating and gently eased him back. He didn’t like losing time or forgetting, it reminded him too much of that time right after his father had died and he just wasn’t  _ there.  _

_ “I think I was just floating around like a ghost. I don’t even remember those last few months after he died until the funeral.”  _ Langa had admitted one day, staring down at his hands.  _ “I scared my mom and my teachers and everyone treated me like glass. Promise you won’t too?” _

_ “Of course not,”  _ In any other situation, Reki would have scoffed at the idea of treating Langa like some piece of fine china.  _ “I know you aren’t fragile.” _

“You did.” Reki replied truthfully after waiting a few seconds too long, Langa had started to fidget uncomfortably. “You were only a few minutes though, not too long. 

“Oh.” His eyes found the mattress and he flushed, cheeks reddened with embarrassment and probably anger towards himself for something they both knew he couldn’t control. 

“It’s okay, Langa.” Reki laid a hand on his chest and smiled, it felt too tight around the edges, but it was real and it eased some of the self-depreciation in Langa’s face. He rested his hand on top of Reki’s and squeezed it lightly, looking down at their hands for a moment.

“Thanks, Reki, really.”

Reki’s cheeks were slowly tinting red and he shook his head, rolling his eyes a little. 

“Of course, Langa. I’ve got you, man.”

It was worth it to see that light in Langa’s eyes.

* * *

It was becoming more and more frequent that that darkness would cloud Langa’s eyes and it was becoming more and more apparent that there was nothing that Reki could do to clear it away. They were like foreboding storm clouds, the harbingers of an indefinite storm.

They were once again in bed, this time they were face-to-face, laying on their sides as they spoke softly. Langa always smelled cold, as if the winter was an intricate part of him, and like honey. The cold and the honey, that’s what Langa was, even with his eyes tended to be hollow more often than not.

Their conversation had faded away into a comfortable silence and Reki’s heart would be a little faster every time their eyes met. He’d carefully kept his own feelings under wraps, he was always good at subtlety when he wanted to be. Though, with every little blush and glance at his mouth, Reki was starting to think his feelings weren’t as unrequited as he’d thought. 

Questions were poised on the tip of how tongue when he found that he couldn’t get them out — not with Langa’s mouth pressed softly against his own. 

It was a hesitant kiss, it asked permission to do more, and Reki responded positively as he kissed Langa back eagerly, pressing into the other’s space. Langa was a clumsy kisser, their noses bumped and their teeth clicked together over and over but it was perfect too. Langa rolled them over, only briefly breaking the kiss to breathe before he was kissing him again, mouth insistent against Reki’s.

Fingers tangled in silky white hair, dragging Langa back in with every kiss and nip. Reki was hesitant when he felt Langa’s tongue tentatively pressing to his lips and then he was parting them, moaning quietly between them when the other impatiently licked into his mouth.

Langa’s eagerness was cute, as was the way he sucked and nipped at Reki’s tongue. One of his thighs was pressed between the smaller boy’s legs, slipping his hands down to press against his hips.

Embarrassment prickled uneasily at Reki’s cheeks and the back of his neck as he felt that heat that curled in his groin and up his spine, and he could feel how hard he was pressed against Langa’s thigh. He broke the kiss, moaning softly and tilting his head as Langa kissed down his jaw to his neck. What he didn’t have in skill was made up for in finesse. His teeth nipped and bit, soothing over the red marks with his tongue before he was sucking bruises into Reki’s skin.

He moaned and twisted beneath him, arching up into the other boy. 

“Reki,” Langa moaned softly, hands twitching against his hips before they gripped them hard, pinning Reki down in place. It sent thrills through the redhead to see Langa come undone with just a few, quite filthy, kisses. 

Breaking the kiss, the older boy sat up and stared down at him with wide eyes, and all the joy was sucked out of Reki when he saw Langa’s eyes. They were completely overcome by those dark clouds, pupils like black holes as they swallowed up the pale blue. His cheeks were flushed and his white hair was a mess, but his eyes..

Reki lifted his hands up and pressed them against Langa’s chest, keeping a careful distance between them.

“Langa, I think I want to stop now.” Usually all it took was a few words, very little prodding but this time, the clouds didn’t retreat, Langa’s eyes stayed voids and his grip on Reki’s hips tightened, until pain started to prick at him.

“Langa-“

“You think? So, you aren’t sure?” Langa asked, tilting his head to the side like a puppy. His curiosity was tempting, in the way that fire was. Reki swallowed hard, letting the silence go on for a moment or so before he managed to speak.

“I want to stop.”

“I don’t think you do.” Langa muttered, leaning down to kiss Reki’s neck. His lips were featherlight against the purpling bruises, hair falling like a curtain around his face, like a wedding veil. 

When Reki tried to push, his hands snapped up to his wrists, pinning him down. Despite his lean frame, Langa was strong enough to push his hands down on either side of his head, hands like vises around his wrists. Langa shifted himself, carefully straddling Reki’s hips, biting his lips as he stared down at him.

“Do you know how hard it is to resist.. to resist just fucking you?”

Reki’s eyes widened, inhaling sharply. Langa was never so  _ vulgar,  _ he always carefully skated around swear words or sex, but as he stared down at him, all he could see was lust in his eyes and something darker-

A want to  _ hurt,  _ that’s what it had been, all this time. Not lingering trauma from witnessing his father’s death or the hole it carved out in him, that was just- that was just  _ him. _

“You’re so pretty and nice,” Langa went on, eyebrows drawing in and pinching together like he was unsure of himself, or very possibly the situation at hand. “And when I met you, I kept thinking,  _ I want to kiss him,  _ because you made me feel funny..” The other boy shifted and Reki spared a glance down. 

Langa was hard, the bulge pushing uncomfortably at his black jeans. Reki’s erection had faded around the time he was pinned down, and he didn’t see it coming back in the near future. 

“Oh, I-“ Langa made a face, and shifted as if to hide away from Reki. “I didn’t mean to.. I just want..” Langa leaned in and pressed his nose to Reki’s hair, mussing it up even more as he nuzzled into him, inhaling deeply before slowly exhaling. 

“Can I kiss you again?” Langa asked, sitting up so that he could stare down into Reki’s eyes, almost looking like his normal self.

“.. no.” Reki whispered, flinching away from his own voice in fear of how Langa would react. His eyes momentarily went blank, darting down Reki’s body and up to his face again.

“Okay.” He whispered letting go of Reki’s wrists, sitting up fully. Reki quickly pulled his hands to his chest, winching at the purple bruises around them in the shape of Langa’s hands. His weight was still fully on him, keeping him down against the bed but he was no longer holding him down completely.

“I.. I want you to get off of me too.” He felt like he was trying to calm a feral dog, the dog had sharp teeth and hollow eyes and every move could end up with those teeth sunk into either side of his neck, shaking him dead.

“I don’t want to.” Langa whispered, but he carefully slid down Reki’s body until he was between his legs, looking up at Reki. 

“What are you doing?” Reki asked when Langa laid his head against his thigh, a hand sliding up his calf and then to the back of his knee, pushing his leg up forcefully, like he was positioning a doll.

“Making you feel good. That’s all I want.” Blank, hollow eyes, a hollow voice, a mouth with teeth that couldn’t wait to strip muscle from bone. 

“I don’t-“

“You don’t know,” Reki’s eyes tracked Langa’s hands as he undid his pants and pulled them away, boxers following shortly. Langa made a happy little noise at the short and wiry red hair that surrounded the base of Reki’s cock, trailing a finger through it.

“You don’t know what you want.” Wrapping long and pretty fingers around his soft cock, slowly stroking. “That’s why it’s okay for me to do this, because you don’t know.”

Langa’s breath fanned warmly over him and Reki felt disgust and heat curl around in his stomach. 

“Langa, I want you to stop, I know what I want-“

“You don’t.” They met eyes as Langa leaned in close, nose pressed teasingly to the side of Reki’s cock, lips pursed against the shaft as he slipped down to mouth and lick at Reki’s balls, tongue teasing and mouth hot, saliva pooling in the boy’s mouth.

He moaned, eyes looking unfairly pleased when Reki slowly started to harden in his hand. 

“There, was that so hard?” Langa mumbled, following it up with his tongue along the bottom of the shaft, saliva shiny and slick against Reki’s tanned skin. Pushing himself up, Langa wrapped his lips around the head and sank down. His inexperience shined through with every bump of his teeth or too deep press that left him choking.

Pulling away, Langa shot a look up at Reki and paused. 

“Oh, Reki..” Langa trailed off, eyes going wide. The redhead had one hand up against his mouth, biting down hard on his knuckles. His cheeks are stained cherry red and his eyes—

They’re what really brings Langa to pause. 

The amber of them is nearly a shimmering gold beneath the haze of his tears. Langa’s never seen Reki cry before, and now he  _ is,  _ and it’s —

Langa’s mouth isn’t on him anymore, in fact, he’s just staring at him with those wide eyes, looking for all the world like he has no idea what’s going on.

His eyes are voids anymore, the clouds are gone and the sun’s peeking through.

_ There’s my Langa,  _ Reki catches himself thinking, trying to stop the stuttering sobs in his chest. 

“Beautiful.” Langa whispers and Reki pauses, he feels cold, he’s still trembling. He’d wanted to fight back, but when Langa had his mouth around him, he feared his teeth would leave him a little less physically than he wanted to be, and castrated via non-consensual blowjob was a hell of a way to go.

“What..?” Reki’s voice is cracked and rough from his crying, his knuckles have bloody imprints of his teeth in them and his lips are smeared with it. 

“You look beautiful when you’re crying like that, I made you cry?” Langa asked softly, resting his cheek against Reki’s thigh. 

Reki’s eyes slowly filled with horror, and then quickly shame as he realised that maybe Langa was never his to begin with, maybe he was always a boy with starry eyes or void eyes, but even when his eyes were filled with stars or clouds, he was this  _ thing  _ underneath..

“Langa,” Reki whispered, shaking his head but then Langa was noticing his slowly softening cock. He almost looked innocuous with his head on Reki’s thigh if it hadn’t been for his fuck-me red lips and cheeks.

“Shh, I’m not done.” And then his mouth was around Reki’s cock again, bobbing his head in a slowly steadying rhythm, saliva and precome easing the way.

Reki’s crying started up again, though this time he wasn’t bothering to muffle himself. It was only offset by his hard cock that Langa wanted down his  _ throat  _ and the broken moans that slid through. 

It made Langa work harder, knowing that even though Reki was crying, he still wanted it, even if he  _ lied  _ to Langa and said he didn’t.

Grabbing Reki’s hips tightly to keep him steady, Langa pulled off to take a breath before he pushed down as far as he could, nose buried in that wiry, red hair and the head of Reki’s cock at the back of his throat, nudging and cutting off his air.

And Langa loved every second of it, loved every twitch and the way Reki had tried to buck his hips up. Pulling off, Langa panted as he kissed the tip of Reki’s cock, tongue laving over the slit before he was taking him in deep again.

Reki jerked up, roughly hitting the back of his throat, forcing gags out of Langa until a salty and almost bitter warmth was flooding his mouth. He was forced to swallow it down, pinning Reki’s hips properly this time as he licked and sucked, pulling off to pant and softly praise the other. 

He was limp on the bed, staring at the wall with dead-looking eyes, tears still dripping off his cheeks and nose. 

Langa wiped the back of his mouth, staring down at Reki before he fixed his clothes back, crawling up the bed to pull him into his arms, nose burying into his hair.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Yeah.”

His voice sounded dry and crackling, from all the crying, and he didn't turn to face Langa.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you aren't.”

Langa didn’t respond, just frowned and kissed the top of Reki’s head. They fell asleep, Langa holding Reki, Reki wondering how he missed all the signs. 

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve found that I’m more likely to write renga if it has a darker twist to it (as much as I enjoy fluff between the two, the angst is rather interesting).


End file.
